Reality Challenged

I have a cold. I also have a sinus infection that makes my sinuses feel like they are on fire along with the throat that they are draining down (yuck) My intention to never catch anything communicable again foiled by the need for some people in this household to go out and work and interact with other, sometimes reality-denying, human beings. Some of those people are plague carriers because they deny the reality of communicable diseases and pretend to not be sick just so they can infect other people while doing their jobs.

I’ve been taking Xanax to keep the vertigo to a minimum. A lovely side effect of the stress of being ill is the Meniere’s symptoms that flair up along with everything else that gets inflamed when you are ill. Gotta love those chronic illnesses.

The person who ventures forth from our cave of solitude brought the infection back to the house with them and gave it to their parents, the immuno-compromised mother and father who stupidly didn’t alienate their own children for the sole purpose of making sure they moved out when they became adults. May our suffering be educational for all the other parents out there who think that loving your children unconditionally and wanting to see them happy above any other concerns, doesn’t have consequences. If you don’t want permanent roommates, piss your kids off every now and then and make them remember how much they hate you on a regular basis. May you enjoy your communicable diseaseless solitude if you are successful in this endeavor.

On that note, I’d like to mention at this point that I don’t do performative vocalizations. Not willingly. Performative vocalizations? Things like saying “fine” in response to inquiries about how you feel that day. You ask me a question, nine times out of ten you will get a thoughtful answer that may or may not be welcome, if what you wanted was a performative response and not a functional response.

I do functional vocalizations just fine. You want to know how things work, how to get something done, why something is the way it is, I’ll tell you. All you have to do is ask. Case in point, the miscreant that put an end to my three-year record of not catching anything communicable (might even have been longer, I don’t remember when I was sick last) came downstairs this morning and said “I’m sorry I got Mom so sick.”

This statement was responded to by my detailing out how we were going to avoid committing the same mistake in the future. Getting different masks for them to wear. Talking about hand sanitizing, safe distancing, etcetera. For this I was rounded castigated for having no feelings. I have feelings, I just don’t pay much attention to them. If they had just come up and asked for or given me a hug, they would have gotten the comfort they wanted. Words are not comfort objects, they are information carriers. It pays to remember this fact when indirectly asking me for comfort.

Functional vs. Performative vocalizations. They really only wanted to hear me say “it’s okay” even when it (getting us all sick) isn’t okay. It’s not okay, and I never even thought about saying that. I’m broken, I know.

Opening Hazard

I’ve been taking part in illness tracking with since the Spring of 2020, when the Trumpist COVID debacle was in full swing. Ya’ll remember those days right? The hazy smoke-filled days as civilization fell? The zombies roaming the streets swarming the unwary?

There was no official testing to be had. No way to know who was sick and who wasn’t and no way to socialize without risking your own life. So we hunkered down without any government to been seen, no authority coming to the rescue, waiting for the chance to score some toilet paper from the remains of the local shopping center while covered in protective gear to keep the zombie plague at bay.

When started it called itself COVID near you but within a few months the organizers realized that they could use the more generalized data to track spreads of any infectious disease in the population. It also allowed people who just had symptoms to report themselves sick even when they didn’t know what it was.

A full year has passed since those hellish days of anarchy, with me always always responding “healthy” to the prompt:

COVID Near You is now Outbreaks Near Me! We now track flu too. Are you still healthy? Please answer Healthy or Sick. Reply STOP at any time to unsubscribe.

Today I finally had to respond with sick. The Wife has been out galivanting around town joyful at having escaped from the zombie apocalypse, mask-less and fancy-free for the first time in recent memory. While she was out having a good time she apparently picked up a bug. I, of course, caught it from her because that is what I do. I’m three days into it now, a nasty cough, aches and pains, and chest tightness that is triggering the Meniere’s symptoms. I’m having a joyful time.

It’s almost enough to make you miss 2020. Hunkered down in your hovel, hoping to score a clean corncob to wipe your ass with. Zombies scratching at the walls while you heat yourself next to the fire you made from the last chair in the house, boiling the leather upholstery for something to drink and chew on later. At least there was only one disease out there then. One disease that made you want to chew on the brains of your neighbors.

Ah, the good ol’ days.

Featured image: What I Learned About the Coronavirus World From Watching Zombie Flicks


I’m not dead yet.

Monty Python – “Not Dead Yet” SceneAmazon

…although the lethargy spread out over nearly a week. I’m only getting back to my old habits now, three weeks later. Getting back to my old habits just in time for the Wife to be hospitalized with some other unrelated illness. Ah, the joys of normal life.