I have a cold. I also have a sinus infection that makes my sinuses feel like they are on fire along with the throat that they are draining down (yuck) My intention to never catch anything communicable again foiled by the need for some people in this household to go out and work and interact with other, sometimes reality-denying, human beings. Some of those people are plague carriers because they deny the reality of communicable diseases and pretend to not be sick just so they can infect other people while doing their jobs.
I’ve been taking Xanax to keep the vertigo to a minimum. A lovely side effect of the stress of being ill is the Meniere’s symptoms that flair up along with everything else that gets inflamed when you are ill. Gotta love those chronic illnesses.
The person who ventures forth from our cave of solitude brought the infection back to the house with them and gave it to their parents, the immuno-compromised mother and father who stupidly didn’t alienate their own children for the sole purpose of making sure they moved out when they became adults. May our suffering be educational for all the other parents out there who think that loving your children unconditionally and wanting to see them happy above any other concerns, doesn’t have consequences. If you don’t want permanent roommates, piss your kids off every now and then and make them remember how much they hate you on a regular basis. May you enjoy your communicable diseaseless solitude if you are successful in this endeavor.
On that note, I’d like to mention at this point that I don’t do performative vocalizations. Not willingly. Performative vocalizations? Things like saying “fine” in response to inquiries about how you feel that day. You ask me a question, nine times out of ten you will get a thoughtful answer that may or may not be welcome, if what you wanted was a performative response and not a functional response.
I do functional vocalizations just fine. You want to know how things work, how to get something done, why something is the way it is, I’ll tell you. All you have to do is ask. Case in point, the miscreant that put an end to my three-year record of not catching anything communicable (might even have been longer, I don’t remember when I was sick last) came downstairs this morning and said “I’m sorry I got Mom so sick.”
This statement was responded to by my detailing out how we were going to avoid committing the same mistake in the future. Getting different masks for them to wear. Talking about hand sanitizing, safe distancing, etcetera. For this I was rounded castigated for having no feelings. I have feelings, I just don’t pay much attention to them. If they had just come up and asked for or given me a hug, they would have gotten the comfort they wanted. Words are not comfort objects, they are information carriers. It pays to remember this fact when indirectly asking me for comfort.
Functional vs. Performative vocalizations. They really only wanted to hear me say “it’s okay” even when it (getting us all sick) isn’t okay. It’s not okay, and I never even thought about saying that. I’m broken, I know.