Does anyone else miss church Sunday after Sunday and feel guilty about it? My sleep cycle is so messed up; my days and nights are mixed up. Therefore, I can’t seem to wake up or get up for church on just three or four hours sleep. It’s been four Sundays now.Barbara Graham – August 6 at 4:57pm
That was her question. An open question to a private group. Do I miss church and feel guilty about it? No. No, I’ve never felt guilty about missing church. I was never a church goer and not much of a believer either. What little belief I harbored flew away with chronic illness. Not having a fellowship to attend to is a problem with sufferers like me, though. Work was always my fellowship. For awhile I played MMOs and that gave me people to talk to but the last few years have left me mostly alone again. It’s not a healthy way to live.
This was her response to my comment,
I’ll pray that you’ll come to know God, and that you won’t blame him for your illness. He loves you. I hope you will find a Godly fellowship that can and will comfort you.
No offense, but I don’t hate god. I don’t hate nature either, and nature is why this affliction exists. Not gods or demons. Nature created it and we creatures of nature will have to figure out how to cure it, and we creatures of nature will have to learn how to cope with it in the meantime. I have been an atheist and a freethinker for most of my adult life. Gods and demons represent nothing more than the chimera of wishful thinking in the reality that I occupy.
Fellowship does not require god or church. Fellowship is to be found anywhere like-minded people are found. The Facebook group I posted this in felt like a place of fellowship, and I was thankful for it while it lasted.
Her question reminded me of just how hopeless and alone I felt back in 2006, back before Facebook was the monolith it is now, a place where any fractional group of like-minded people can find fellowship if they only go looking. It reminded me of the day a friend of mine convinced me to play World of Warcraft and probably saved my life in the process.
Fellowship is where you find it.
The belief that “flew away” when I lost my faith was a belief in the justness of life. That sickness could be avoided by clean living. That miracle cures were possible. That success came to those who worked hard and saved for the future. All of these things are lies we tell ourselves in order to feel better about why we are doing better than the people around us. Why we are doing better, until the day that we aren’t.
We need each other in ways that most Americans are uncomfortable admitting. This is another thing that makes me sad. The resolute self-sufficiency, the dream of the average American, is a chimera of prideful loneliness. That was one hard lesson to learn for me.
Editor’s note. I left that Meniere’s group years ago now (5/10/2020) The predominance of woo in the group and the blind faith of its promoters finally made me feel sick to even be there anymore. I’ve since gone back to playing MMOs for the feeling of fellowship it brings. It is about the only reason I’m still playing World of Warcraft.