When we last checked in on our cellphone adventurers, they had given up on Tinging it on the cheap and had switched to T-Mobile:
Meanwhile the Wife had grown tired of the endless bitching about LG phones and had demanded that the author of these missives go out and get himself a phone that he liked instead of a phone that the cellphone carriers wanted to give him. So he bought himself a Pixel 3XL. The power buttons being the weak link of failure on three subsequent Nexus phones was not enough to make him give up on Google as a hardware vendor. Always a stalwart Googler, he was determined to go down with the proverbial Google ship.
One might be tempted to think that the doom that lay in store for him might have been avoided had he simply not taken up Pokémon Go and the similarly mapped game from Niantic named Ingress, but the truth is that the doom was unavoidable. It was unavoidable because he really wanted that Pixel 6 and the place to get Pixels was not T-Mobile but Google Fi. The Pixel 3XL just couldn’t keep up with informational demands. It logged itself out of everything when not in focus, generally forcing a complete restart every time a previously opened app was brought back into focus. It was too old, too slow. It needed to be a Pixel with a bigger number next to it.
Our intrepid adventurer discovered (Oh shiny!) that he could get a Pixel 5a for free if he simply signed up for Google Fi. Thus his doom was sealed, because the Pixel 5a, while equipped with a very fine camera, was prone to overheating every time he turned it on and tried to play any online game, listen to a podcast and used the camera all at the same time. Three simultaneous activities that were bound to occur at least twenty times a day on any given day.
If there is one thing more maddening than having to restart your phone every time you want to change apps, it is your phone telling you to turn it off or it might catch fire in your hand, metaphorically speaking, every time you use the camera. Every time you use the camera, not just those times that you are using the camera, listening to a podcast and playing a game simultaneously.
The adventurer sought the advice of many wise sages, none of which had anything of merit to say on the subject:
Your phone can get warm if you:
* Play media, like stream shows over Wi-Fi or 5G, or play downloaded videos.
* Make video calls.
* Record high definition videos.
* Tether your phone or use it as a Wi-Fi hotspot.
* Download or upload a lot of data over a mobile data or Wi-Fi connection.
* Do any of the above while your phone charges.
To keep your phone from getting too hot:
* Keep your phone away from excessive heat, like inside a hot vehicle or outside in direct sunlight.
* Don’t leave your phone in enclosed or poorly ventilated areas, like layers, small pockets, or bags.
* Keep your phone in the open air.
* Use only cases or covers made for your specific phone.
* Reduce your phone’s display brightness
Tip: You can remove the case until your phone cools down.
If possible, use Wi-Fi instead of mobile data.
Learn more about how to help keep your Pixel phone from feeling too warm or hot.
How your phone protects itself
Your phone may start to limit some functions when it senses that it’s too hot. It could slow down, turn off your camera’s flash or camera, or partially or fully turn off your mobile data or Wi-Fi, including 5G.
If your phone’s temperature continues to rise, it could show a warning and turn off. The phone turns off to keep you and your phone safe. If your phone turns off, let it cool down and restart it.
Indeed, the phone did shut itself off. Many times. In desperation, the adventurer appealed to the gods of the Google Fi support line who granted him the boon of a second Pixel 5a. Both of them shut themselves off after filming videos that were longer than sixty seconds. They both grew very hot (over 110° F) to the touch. An unacceptable performance spec for any device that is presented for use as a video platform. In despair the adventurer turned to the open market and purchased a Pixel 7 at the low, low price of his own soul and the blood of his firstborn child. The Wife and the Daughter are going to be pissed at the cost.
Meanwhile there is a lonely engineer locked in a cubicle farm somewhere that foretold all of this in a scroll that he composed many years ago while testing the hardware that went on to become the Pixel 5a. “The camera produces too much excess heat. Recommend that we use a different camera.” The floor of his cell would probably be permanently stained with the tears of his regret if he hadn’t been so well compensated by the Google gods for his life of endless toil in that forlorn place.
Our adventurer can smile as he sets off on his daily journey now, as long as he doesn’t think too hard about the missing child and the soon to be missing wife, who will go in search of the Google gods in order to slay them and return said daughter. The doghouse will be cold at night, but at least our adventurer will have entertainment while he slowly freezes to death.
The dog’s not very happy about sharing his space.
I’m baaack. (11/28) finally feel up to writing again.