Troubleshooting Windows

For the first time in a year, the Google doodle does not crash my computer. All I had to do was delete Firefox and rip out every reference to it, then delete every installed program that I couldn’t recognize. Weirdly, somewhere along the line, my persistent flash problem went away.

Typical for Windows. As the joke goes, three engineers are driving cross-country, when the car stalls and they are stranded at the side of the road.

The first engineer, a mechanical engineer, pops the hood and begins checking linkages. No luck.

The second engineer, an electrical engineer, checks the battery and alternator and starts tracing wiring. Also, no luck.

The third engineer, an MCSE certified Microsoft software engineer, opens and closes all the doors, rolls all the windows up and down and unpacks then repacks all the luggage, then gets back in the car and sits. When the other engineers ask him what he’s doing, he explains, “I reset everything, it should run now.”

Yes, it’s an old joke. Not as old as Doctor Who, but because Windows software works in inexplicable ways, I did finally get to play the 50th anniversary Dr. Who doodle game today. Yea team.

Facebook

Bingled?

Microsoft, you are not fooling anyone. We know Scroogled is you and you are even more screwgled by Google than any of us are; because they can make money on the internet and you can’t figure out how to do that. Drives you people in Redmond nuts, doesn’t it?

Microsoft “Scroogled” Gmail ad

FWIW, I wouldn’t use Bing to find anything including my own ass, and I wouldn’t by an Xbox if it featured an exclusive for the second coming of Christ. I’m only waiting for a better OS to show up (and please don’t suggest Linux, because I’ve tried it) and I won’t be using any products with your name on it.

Facebook

Looks like those cool Scroogled coffee mugs are still out of stock.

Earl Cooley III

Googlism: The One True Religion

the ultimate example of tech industry hero worship: The Church of Google. In what is (probably) an exercise in gleeful snark, this church promotes the notion that not only is Google a god, but that “She” is a more useful object of worship than most competing theological entities. After all, Google queries are prayers that actually get answered, though often mysteriously.

Jay Garmon (The Wayback Machine)

The ten commandments were a nice touch, but Google cannot be god, because the Flying Spaghetti Monster is god. Get it right, man.