No longer riding on the Merry-go-round, I just had to let it go.
This is probably as close as I will ever get to a themesong. It describes perfectly (even though I don’t hear it very well any longer) the recurring theme of my life.
Always and for as long as I continue to draw breath, I strike out in what my contemplations have shown me is a sensible direction. I almost never embark on any task as a mere whim. This was true even when I had the strength and stamina to chase the random whims. I contemplate directions in life for years sometimes before embarking on the task.
For every single task I’ve undertaken there has always been someone who approached me, for my own good, to explain why what I was doing made no sense. When I was younger there were occasions when their advice turned out to be correct. That is one of the reasons I take the time to contemplate a course in advance, seek out advice and wisdom on a subject before forming opinions and making decisions.
…And still, the helpful ones step forward to let me know just how nuts I am and don’t I want to reconsider? No, I think I know what I’m doing; and even if I don’t, the experience of failure is liable to be informative if it doesn’t prove deadly.
When I applied for disability, everyone around me (aside from The Wife and children. And my attorney) was convinced I just needed to get back to work. Certain that I just needed to get back on that horse. None of them noticing that I had been getting back on that horse for more than a decade already and could no longer hold the reins of breadwinner any longer if I wanted to be here to see my children grow up. How could they? They were not me.
So I let it go, because my children and The Wife were more important than my desire to be successful in architecture. Were more important than mere financial gain.
I well and truly do sit and watch the wheels go round and round these days. I have little else to fill my time, and the newshound that I have always been will not let me simply ignore the machinations of the society that continues to grind on around me, like the calliope on the merry-go-round.
This introspection brought to you courtesy of this week’s Freethought Radio tribute to John Lennon (yes, I am an atheist. I don’t talk about it much) I had forgotten how much beautiful music John made during his short life. Were that he was still here watching with us. I would love to get his insights on the world today.
