Good Pun is an Oxymoron

An effective pun causes brain hemorrhage. Something akin to a stroke should occur.  You should feel a distinct pain when observing a pun.  A pain in the brain. If a pun is funny it is a failure. The proper response to an effective pun is the overwhelming urge the throttle the person who uttered it. If the hearer doesn’t feel murderous rage, at least momentarily, the failed punster should probably go back to flipping burgers for a living. Wordplay is not their forte.

This doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy punning; but it does mean that engaging in the practice places you solidly in the sadomasochistic realm, somewhere between schadenfreude and outright self-loathing. Torturing language in that fashion should be painful.

Two Steps Forward

When this is over this country is going to need more than bandaids. It’s going to need fucking surgery. Things need to change and not go back to normal. Ctrl-Z us back to how we were in 2016 is simply not going to cut it, and honestly it shouldn’t have taken a pandemic to prove our unemployment system is a mess, that we need universal healthcare and that workers need benefits, the right to organize and wages that reflect how essential they really are.

John Oliver – Apr 12, 2020
HBOCoronavirus IV: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver – Apr 12, 2020

Daylight Swearing Time

It’s that time of year again. That time of year where you exclaim “Fuck! How did it get to be 4:30 am already?” It isn’t. Except it is now.

RAnt(hony)-ings

…And it will go on being 4:30 am at this time of night until after 2:00 AM on Sunday, November 1, 2020. Then it will be 3:30 AM again. At least I have that to look forward to in November.


Imagine just for a few minutes, what it would be like for your GPS to calculate time variance based on degrees of longitude rather than twenty-four one hour time zones. In the same way your phone can change times for daylight savings, it can change time to keep up with your actual position on the globe. The device that you already rely on to tell you what time it is could just do the time calculation for your location and actually tell you what the local time is. The satellites that control GPS already perform these calculations just to be able to talk to each other and establish UTC for themselves.

 I’m just not going to comply with Daylight Savings Time until somebody in authority can explain to me what we’ve been doing with all the daylight we’ve saved for the last 200 years.

I mean the interest alone on all those photons should be enough to power every solar panel in the country for the next decade.

I’m just saying, somebody owes me some sunlight here.

Stonekettle Station

Football

I have no use for any of the games that come under the name football. Not the game we call Soccer here in the US, and not the game they call Football here, either. The only reason this blog entry exists is so that I can record comedy sketch material that has been apparently lost to time.

Soccer is the real football, because it is played almost exclusively with the feet. That makes it the game that should be called Football. If the players can’t use their hands, except for the goalie, then that game is a football game. Plain and simple.

American football is Rugby played with helmets and shoulder pads. The only time the players use their feet, other than for running, is when they kick the ball, and those are special instances and usually special players that are set out in the rules of the game. Otherwise you use your hands to manipulate the ball. But you hold the ball, not smack it around with your hands, so the game isn’t Handball either.

Rugby fans know that they have to give their favorite sport a different name than Football, because in the places where they play Rugby, the sport called football is the sport that requires players to use their feet. Rugby and American football share some common sports ancestry with soccer/football.

If I was more interested in sports I’d probably be motivated to go look up some more stuff on the subject in order to make this blog entry longer and more interesting. Let its brevity reveal my true feelings about all sports. Can we talk about something interesting now?

Fruforah

I swear I heard the word fruforah uttered by some englishman somewhere. I can almost here the voice. “All this fruforah is for nothing!” However, no search string that I’ve tried will give me a quote or anything like the word fruforah, even when I include the word brouhaha, which should have a synonymous meaning. It isn’t in the thesaurus either, so it isn’t a word. Well, it is now.

Take that, copyeditors!

Politics vs. Technology

The whole point of the cartoon, as edited above, is that Republican politics is still mired in 1800’s mentality. That the structures that politics are limited to amount to a covered wagon instead of a starship. Parties being in control of the political system is a large part of that problem. Getting past the 1800’s thinking of Republicans is the first stumbling block to fixing the shit we live in.

Just FYI, the dank meme above was originally a cartoon indicting the harnessing of the internet to FCC regulations. 

I don’t think that was the problem with lumping the internet under FCC title II. Those regulations could have been updated if we had a working political system. Updating regulations is preferable to selling ourselves to information resellers, making us all nothing more than targets for marketing more stuff, stuff that most of us can’t afford. Net neutrality is going to have to come at the expense of ending the internet of the wild west, where any fraudster is capable of dreaming up a pyramid scheme that encompasses millions if not billions of people.

That covered wagon is just as much a representation of the mentality of people who think that anarchism is freedom as it is the current Republican mentality that we have to rely on an authoritarian government to get what we want out of life. All of our ways of thinking need a good brooming in order to rid ourselves of ideas that have lived past their times of usefulness.

Facebook comment 1 & 2


Editor’s note. Weirdly, the member that posted the image thinks he’s defending Stormtrumpers with that image. Indicting liberals. Every time I turn around I am surprised by the rock-hard political stupidity of the average American. If there is a political group that worships at the altar of money and power, that group is the Republican party and their Orange Hate-Monkey president. How that re-edited image could possibly be seen as indicting liberalism is beyond me.

It’s been three years now. In order to get a sense of the history of what OHM means, I will link a few crucial posts. I wrote The Orange Hate-Monkey (OHM) when it became clear that the Republicans were going to nominate Donald Trump.  I wrote The GOP Cuddles Up To the NSDAP when the GOP refused to ostracize the OHM for his dangerously xenophobic populism. I wrote Caveat Emptor on the day Trump lied with his hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the US constitution. I wrote Bullshit is Bullshit on the day I stopped even trying to catalogue the blatant disregard of the truth by the OHM. It mystifies me why people still listen to him, and why the OHM still holds the office of the president. #MAGA means Misguided Appallingly Gullible Americans. Anyone who believes differently is a MAGA themselves, otherwise known as a Stormtrumper, h/t to Berkeley Breathed.

Women 2020

Facebook – Strange Women Lying in Ponds Distributing Swords
(yes there is a group for that. I don’t know if they created the image)

It could just be shortened to women in 2020, but I’ll take whichever.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail: Dennis The Constitutional Peasant

I mean, if I went around sayin’ I was an empereror just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me they’d put me away!

Monty Python (the line itself)

The 2016 version as I posted it four years ago on Facebook.

Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie

I was just on Youtube looking for this video.

onedeadtrollEvery OS Sucks – Jun 10, 2011

In response to a friend who said in passing “every browser sucks.” He’s using Microsoft Edge on his phone now. I won’t be installing it again because of Bing .

RAnt(hony)-ings

I let the video play in the background while I went back to doing other things, and the next video that Youtube auto-queues for me after Every OS Sucks is this one. I had to go back and restart the video just to watch the full machine in action.

OK GoThis Too Shall Pass – Rube Goldberg Machine – Official Video – Mar 2, 2010

…it may just be a thinly disguised ad for State Farm insurance. That’s hard to say. What I do know is that it is hard to figure out what is real anymore these days, and it is getting harder to do everyday. Even the advertising pretends to be something other than advertising.

Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie was one of those groups I found on MP3.com back in the day. I bought their albums and listened to them over and over on family car trips. But those halcyon days of yesteryear are gone just like every OS that didn’t suck. MP3.com is just another crap website looking to scare up click traffic now. No original content. The Three Dead Trolls are now just One Dead Troll. Wes Borg (Youtube channel) is the one remaining troll.

Artists. They can’t maintain websites when they can’t find permanent residence or pay bills. I mean you have to entertain us all, even when you can’t feed yourself. Keep being funny man!

TEDx TalksHow the Robots Will Destroy Us: Wes Borg at TEDxVictoria – Dec 18, 2012

Homelessness is real. If you become homeless, what is real becomes the things you can’t avoid. Prevent homelessness. Buy an artist’s work when you can.