Trick or Treat!

I spent the night last night (Halloween) reminding the children I was shepherding that they had to say “Trick or Treat” if they wanted a treat. While doing this I stumbled across more than a few houses with front porch lights on and nobody home to answer the door.

Back in the day we would have taken that as an invitation to be tricked, a job that we came equipped to do while out trick or treating on Halloween. We carried wax or soap for the windows. Toilet paper for the trees. Some of the more vicious pranks (which I never pulled myself) involved bags of dogshit being lit on fire on porches for the owners to find and attempt to stomp out when discovered.

My uncle used to tell me stories of a life size dummy that he created and used as a prank for many years. He would climb trees with the dummy in tow, and then drop it in front of pedestrians. The best pedestrians to target were the ones carrying groceries, if I remember his stories correctly. The resultant explosion of foodstuffs when the bags were hurled into the air were always good for a laugh. He would also drag it behind his car or prop it up in doorways to fall in on the homeowner when they answered the door.

Life was more fun then.

I was contemplating these memories when I came across one home with all the exterior lights on and a large notice pinned to the door:

We do not celebrate Halloween, and we do not have any candy. Do not ring our doorbell.

On the one hand I thought Idiot, just leave your lights off, but on the other hand I was contemplating the reaction that would have occurred had previous rules of conduct concerning Halloween been inflicted upon them.

I’m contemplating how to deal with this next year. I think I will make up signs of my own to pin to the doors of the spoil sports who leave their lights on when they have no intention to participate in Halloween festivities. It’ll go something like this:


This is your Trick for failure to Treat.
Consider yourself properly TP’d and your windows soaped.
You are standing in a burning bag of dogshit.

Happy Halloween!

I’ll probably get myself thrown in jail. Terroristic threats or something, I’m sure. It’s all in the name of good fun, right?

Author: RAnthony

I'm a freethinking, unapologetic liberal. I'm a former CAD guru with an architectural fetish. I'm a happily married father. I'm also a disabled Meniere's sufferer.

Attacks on arguments offered are appreciated and awaited. Attacks on the author will be deleted.

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